My first STD was from a foam party
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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