i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
