He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
