im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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