I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
