I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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