Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
