If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
