sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
