Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
