just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
