I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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