he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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