I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
