Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
