Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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