Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
