I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
