yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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