He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
