We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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