She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
