**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drunk is not a location!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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