I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
