i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
