Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
