yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
