Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
