I wish I could punch you in the face.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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