Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
