Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
