You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
