you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
