3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
