dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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