Please, let me fuck your mom
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Boobs speak an international language.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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