Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
