I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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