Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
