I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
