I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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