In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
