I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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