You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
