i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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