"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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