Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
