I'm jealous of your bromance
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
