so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
