ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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