is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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