Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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