first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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