What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
