He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
