First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
