Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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