wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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