Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
