it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
