i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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