is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
