i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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