You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love having hate sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
