I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
