I wish I could teleport
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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