quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
