It's like God shit irony all over that family
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
