Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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