I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
