That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
