Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
