we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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